Prussia's Alphabet

A young Prussia stood grinning in front of his little brother. "Okay, pay attention, Holy Rome. I'm going to teach you the alphabet today!" he announced. The 3-year-old blond boy in front of him nodded. "Okay, bruder!"
"Let's see.... A is for awesome. Like me! I'm awesome."
"Okay."
"B is for beer. It's this really great drink! I snuck some from vatti's mug the other day. But he'll yell at you if he catches you trying it, so be careful."
"Got it."
"C is for crop! Like my crop!" Prussia grinned as he whipped out his crop. Holy Rome automatically shrank back; he'd been hit by that thing many times before."Right."
"Let's see.... d is for dogs! We have three dogs, right Lud?"
"Yeah. They're cute."
"E is for enemies. Hungary and Austria are our enemies! So whenever you see them, tell me and I'll beat them up!"
"Uhh... okay."
"F is for food! Food is almost as awesome as me."
"Yeah."
"G is for Gilbird." Prussia pointed at the bird flying in circles around his head. "I found him the other day! Isn't he cute?"
"Uh-huh. Can I touch him?"
"No. H is for Hungary. He's a really mean dude, so stay away from him, okay?"
"Yeah."
"I is for insane. Like Vatti. He's insane."
"He is?"
"Oh, yes," the albino said seriously. "J is for jerk. Austria is a jerk, Holy Rome. Remember that."
"Okay!"
"K is for ketchup. Never put ketchup on wurst, little bro. It tastes horrible." The older child shuddered before continuing.
"L is for Ludwig. That's your name, after all."
"And your name is Gilbert!"
"Yes! M is for money. Money is a great thing. You can buy stuff with it!"
"Oooh!"
"N is for no. Any time Vatti tells you to do something, say no."
"Um... are you sure about that?"
"Of course I'm sure! I'm awesome!"
"Okay..."
"O is for Ottoman Empire. He's a really scary guy who'll try to kidnap you if you leave the house. Just so you know."
"E-er..."
"P is for Prussia. That's me!" said young nation laughed before continuing.
"Q is for questions. Like, do you have any questions so far, Holy Rome?"
"Yeah."
"Well too bad. R is for Rome. He's mean, so don't talk to him."
"O-okay..."
"S is for SANTA! You know who Santa is, right!"
"Of course!"
"T is for tunic. Like, I'm wearing a tunic right now."
"Right."
"U is for.... uhhh...." Prussia considered that for a moment. "Yeah."
"What?"
"You heard me! V is for Vatti."
"Um... right."
"W is for wurst."
"I love wurst!"
"Me too, kid. X is for xantophyll."
"What's that, bruder?"
"None of your business. Anyway, y is for yucky. Like pasta, pasta is yucky. Don't ever eat it."
"Sure..."
"And z is for zero. Like you! Nah, I'm kidding." Prussia grinned down at his little brother. "And that's the alphabet! Remember it well, little brother."
"R-right..."
With that, Prussia ran off, leaving a very confused Holy Rome to ponder exactly what just happened.